Sunday, April 1, 2012

Until We Meet Again

What a weekend it has been for me. Every time I think I have found peace with this move, something else pops up to remind me that I haven't quite gotten there yet. My mom and best friend, Uncle D., came and spent the weekend. We went downtown, and had a wonderful dinner. Then, we came back here to sit and talk the night away.

To this point, I had thought I was doing a good job swallowing any pain I was feeling and focusing on the positives. I had a day or two where the stress got the better of me, but overall, I feel like I have done ok. Then, last night, I sat with the two people who have known me the longest. Being with them, my walls fell down. No, scratch that. My walls were blown to pieces.

Long story short, I basically had a gut-wrenching melt-down. I realize now that I was a time bomb, just waiting to erupt. All the pain, the stress, my fears, everything I have been holding on to just bubbled up. Poor them. They had to be the bearer of hearing it all. I really feel bad about that. I am sure positive it was much like watching a car wreck. You know that it is going to be bad, but there is nothing you can do to stop it. And to their credit, they took it all in. I don't deserve them. Really, I don't.

On a brighter side, I feel better today. Crying and letting it all out is often times the best therapy there is. It turns out I have been holding onto a lot. More than I even knew. Today doesn't feel so bleak. (Well, I feel exhausted and hung-over, but not in the middle of the moody blues.)

Just about the time I realized that I didn't feel so awful, the goodbyes began. First, it was Uncle D. Then, my mom. Followed by Mr. T. (He is away for training.) After he pulled out the driveway, I realized I will be saying goodbye over and over all this week coming up. The final countdown has begun.

Most of me is in a better place now, and I am genuinely looking forward to the new adventure. There is a small voice that keeps up a steady protest, but fortunately, it is a small enough voice that I can drown it out. My plan is to focus on the haves and not the have-nots. Yes, I would feel better if we had a contract on the house, but if it doesn't happen, we will be ok. We have a place to temporarily rent, and I know this house WILL get sold. This neighborhood usually does very well, and just because things have been slow, it doesn't mean it will be like this forever. We put the house on the market on the first day of the retrograde, but (thankfully) April 4th is just around the corner. I am sure that things will pick up soon and this house will sell in no time.

I am going to curl up and hopefully get some much needed sleep. I didn't go to bed until 5 AM this morning, so needless to say I am beat. Only five more sleeps to go!!


2 comments:

  1. I am beyond glad that Fred & D were there with you!! I owe them huge hugs for taking care of my bestie. It hurts me to know all that has been hurting you lately & I, for serious, wish I owned some stealth-type jet to fly there like now.
    <3 you lots!!

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  2. I wish you did, too. And, your absence was felt by me last night. I love you so much. Thank you for loving me.

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